/^(Michael|Barrucadu)$/
Hello, my name is Michael Walker, and you have somehow found yourself on my personal website. Please take off your shoes and leave them by the door; I don't want it getting all muddy.
I'm never good at thinking of what to write about myself, so I think I'll start with... who am I? Now, that's a difficult question. I don't think that can be answered fully, as a person is the sum of their collective experiences. Treebeard in The Two Towers describes this very well, he says (and I'm paraphrasing here) that it would take far too long for him to tell the Hobbits his real name, as it is the result of ages, so they can call him Treebeard. This is also reflected in Eragon, where it is told that knowing someone's true name not only gives you power over them, but describes them utterly and without illusions. Thus, if you ask who I am you would need to know everything in my life for the answer to be meaningful. Let's settle for I am me.
So, now that you still don't know who I am, what else is there to put on an index page? The index page could be the about page, and this would be quite logical as I then wouldn't need to write this, and I would save a small bit of disk space; it doesn't seem right for that to be, though. I digress, however.
I could now go on to "What am I?", but in my mind that is the same question as "Who am I?". I am who I am, and am what I am; the sum of my collective experiences and actions throughout my life. There is a good quote that summarises this point, 'Your actions are your only possessions'. I think I'll move on from who, or even what, I am. The answer is far too complex to provide online, it would take a long time, and many explanations for it to be correct.
I'll now stop typing this, and suggest you browse the rest of the site, to perhaps gain a slight insight into who or what I am. If you do, good. If not, try harder.
PS: Yes, I am the kind of person who uses regex to name themselves. That probably says a lot about me.